It was wet?

I know I’m getting old because sometimes I have no idea what you are talking about.

It was wet? What the heck does that even mean? I kinda understand the term brick because if you tried to throw a brick it wouldn’t go very far and would land with a thud but how does a shot get wet? For anyone reading this that doesn’t know, it means that it went up so high it hit the clouds and got wet from the rain in the clouds before it came back down with nothing but net. “Nothing but net”, now that’s a phrase I actually liked.

How do these things even get started, is it some professional athlete who’s ill spoken and every little kid watching the interview picks up on it? Maybe someone says something by accident during practice and the other teammates pick it up and run with it. 9 times out of 10 they don’t even make sense but for some reason they become a new standard for that particular thing.

It cracks me up how terms in not only basketball but society change so dramatically so quickly. It’s hard to even keep up. I listen to you and your friends speak and/or kids in restaurants and stores and all I can think is, “What did you just say?”

The most annoying term that I’ve come across which is your dads favorite (not really) is “Baby Mama” and the most astounding thing to me is the fact that even the news is using that term now. I thought that journalists were supposed to use grammar and eloquence when speaking. If they start using terms like “Baby Mama’ I’m sorry to say I think we’re doomed as a society.

Love you now and always,

Mom

Hug Your Sister

No hugs

Dear Son,

My younger siblings hated me during high school! I was never home because I was had dance class or cheerleading or some sort of activity but I’d walk in the door at 10:30 pm and hear “Sarah did it!” My parents knew I hadn’t done it since I hadn’t been home in 15 hours but yet they’d keep trying. Now that we’re adults we get along great and they are my best friends but why can’t kids get along as teenagers?!?

I was telling you how much I love you and that I’ll miss you and simply mentioned it would be nice for you to give your sister a little extra affection while I’m gone. I say a little extra because right now the measurement would be at zero so anything would be noted improvement. I have no idea what you say to your friends about your sister but when no one is around I see how nice and caring you are towards her so I didn’t think it would be totally out of line to ask you to give her a hug but apparently I’d crossed the line. That’s literally what you said! I won’t say you got snippy about it but it was clear it wasn’t happening.

Since we have an ultra-nontraditional family; Dad’s black and Mom’s white (getting more mainstream but still not the norm), Mom travels for work – Dad doesn’t and Dad is the main caregiver; you have to be willing to bend on a few of the unwritten teenage laws.

I solemnly swear:

  • To hate my siblings and never admit to my friends that we get along
  • To argue with my parents for no reason because my hormones are out of control
  • To lock myself in my room and pretend not to be a part of the family
  • To force my parents to drop me off two blocks away from school so no one sees them and I can pretend they don’t exist

And so on.

For the most part, you are not a normal teenager yet (however I reserve the right to change that sentence at any given moment) but the first one seems to be a hard and fast rule.

I don’t know if anyone will ever be able to answer the question but; What is it about siblings?

For now and always, I love you.

Mom

Men Are From Mars

New Doc 1_1Basketball MartianDear son,

I’m sure by now you’ve heard the term men are from Mars women are from Venus but it is never been more true than in the conversation I just had with you and your dad. Not sure why but I thought it would be a good idea for you to go to basketball camp at a young age. You and your father both looked at me as if I had grown a third eye. Why is that such a strange idea? I’d think you’d want to get as much exposure to college basketball coaches and recruiters as possible.

How does it not make sense to have the coaches see you as many times as they possibly can before it’s time for you to start applying for college?  I know that I need to see someone least 4 or 5 times before I remember them, and that’s if I liked them. Don’t get me started on how hard it is to remember people that I didn’t really care about. Then there’s the whole nightmare of having to remember their name.  I’ve tried every trick in the book to try to remember names, even Lumosity.  There’s nothing on this planet that can help this drain of a brain. I still can’t remember the team mates name that we gave a ride home to, even though I see his parents at every game…but I digress.

Why wouldn’t it be a good idea for you to show your skills this year and then show how much you’ve improved by next year. That way they’ll be able to gauge how much your skills would/could grow over the next few years. You’d think they’d want to see someone who’s coachable, someone who’s still growing, somebody who hasn’t peaked at the ripe age of 14 but both you and your father insist that you need to develop more skills. I think you have plenty of skills but apparently I’m the idiot.

I’ll defer to you and your father for now because I don’t want your confidence shattered before you’ve even started but I’m not going to stand on the side lines forever; especially now that I’m actually allowed to go to the games and actually BE ON THE SIDELINES!

For now and always, I love you,

Mom

Basketball Martian

Bless Your Heart

Dear Son,

My darling teenager, you took it upon yourself to start doing your own laundry.  I can’t believe it?  Since you’ve only been given one practice uniform and they don’t have extras just yet I’m glad you understand that it needs to be washed every day. Since I forgot ONE time to wash your practice uniform, I’m suddenly the worst Mom in the world. Here’s the thing, you asked his Dad to teach you how to do laundry and anyone reading this knows what that means.

First step, if there’s something in the washing machine, take it out and put it in the dryer.

Second step, if there’s already something in the dryer, take that out and put anywhere convenient.  The top of the dryer, the floor, the laundry basket, whatever’s convenient.

Laundry Done.

Why is it that men don’t believe doing that laundry includes actually putting the clothes away.  Heck, I’d even settle for folding the laundry and putting it on top of the dryer. That’s the time consuming part.  The washing and drying take moments.  Throw in some clothes, add detergent, turn on the machine.  What does that take, 3 minutes? Transfer wet clothes to the dryer, add dryer sheet, another 30 seconds.  That’s nothing! Folding and putting things away is the real point to doing laundry and that can take half an hour.  Don’t get me wrong, a little help is better than nothing, but I wish you’d asked to learn how to do laundry from me so I could teach you how to do it right.

On the bright side, I’ve got four years until you leave for college to get it right.  Wish me luck!

For now and always, I Love You,

Mom

 

Teenager Speak

Dear Son,

This was a conversation I had with you the other day:

You: Mom, do you have some chapstick?

Me: Do you need it now or would you like one for school?

You (with complete indignation): It’s for me!

Does anyone understand how that answer is at all an appropriate response to my question?  Apparently I was supposed to understand that his answer meant he wanted to bring chapstick to school. I know that you’ve all experienced this same thing, but do any of you remember having this problem with your parents? I know they weren’t big fans of a lot of our music but that is not the same issue.

If anyone has the code to teenager speak, I’d love to have you chime in and reveal the secret to the rest of us.

For Now and Always, I Love You,

Mom

Tip Off Dinner

Dear Son,

Today was the first fundraiser for the basketball team.  The coach organized a spaghetti dinner in which each kid was assigned 10 tickets to sell for $15 each, which any parent knows really means…buy 10 tickets and see if you can get some of your friends to show up.

I’m going to put this question out there again for everyone. Wouldn’t it be a lot easier to just calculate how much money you’re going to need for the season, divide it up amongst the team members and ask them to write a check?  I understand that not every family has an extra few hundred dollars around but how about we let them find a sponsor for their own kid and the rest of us can just go about our day?  Or how about this, each parent who can afford a little more than their share will donate a little extra to the pot.

I’d much rather do that than have a plate of cold, really mediocre spaghetti that cost my family $150.00 because our friends were able to attend (and I really don’t blame them).  But I haven’t even mentioned the best part of the dinner.  The reason the coach did this dinner was because this is an annual thing for him and it’s always a great money maker.

Well let me tell you why it’s a money maker.

  1. The portions weren’t enough to fill my 11 year old daughter
  2. There weren’t enough plates to serve everyone who attended
  3. There weren’t enough forks for everyone to eat

You collect money to serve 200 people and then serve 150, how do you not make money?

It’s not a great start to the year but I hope to change that if I could ever get approval from the school to actually implement some of my ideas.

For now and always, I Love You,

Mom

Teenage Logic

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Dear Son,

I would be very excited to know how teenage logic works because today I got a text to pick you up at a specific spot. However, when I got there, you were not there yet I’m the one at fault.

Can anyone tell me if they have deciphered the code to teenage logic? Here’s what happened today. I got a text from my son telling me he is done with basketball practice and he would like me to pick him up at the Chevron Station convenience store next to school. Like the dutiful slave that I am, I grabbed my keys and walked out the door. I got to the Chevron station but there was no child to be had. After several failed attempts to call my son’s cell phone (which he has for this exact reason although he seems to have forgotten that), he’s finally calls me. When I ask where he is, he begins to yell at me. He has gone back to school to see if I’m there. Now why on earth would I pick him up at school when the text said very specifically to pick him up at the gas station?

His reasoning for getting upset with me is that I never have my phone so he assumed that I had not seen the text and went to school to pick him up there. Now granted, I should have replied to the text saying that I was on my way and I conceded that point. But here’s the kicker: if I never have my phone, why did you text me and not call the home phone? It seems much easier and more direct to simply call the house and ask for a ride home. There is no confusion or potential for miscommunication. One call, one conversation, one child in my car. Done deal.

If anyone has the answer to this phenomenon, I would love to hear it.

For now and always, I Love You Infinity,

Mom

Redemption

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Dear Son,

Last week I was afraid that I’d lost you forever to the nightmare that is “teenager” but this week you redeemed yourself. I’m still not allowed to go to most of your games yet but Dad was there and he reveled in what a great team mate you were today.

Sunday- game day.  You woke up not feeling great but knowing that the team was going to be short-handed if you didn’t show up so you pulled it together and went to the game.  However, you didn’t just show up and put in your time. No, no, no.  Like the disciplined athlete that you are, you put up more points than you have all year and had several assists and rebounds as well.

That’s all well and good but what I’m really proud of you for is the fact that even though you didn’t feel well you still took it upon yourself to keep the other kids motivated while you team was getting your butts handed to you by your opponents.  Constantly encouraging them when they made good plays and congratulating them when they made their shots whether they went in or not.

The best part of you as an athlete is that as you grow as a player, you also grow as a man. You have the natural gift of empathy and that translates to leadership without imposition. To encourage your fellow players and make them feel good about themselves is your strength and I hope you never lose that. When you look at the greatest players of all time, one of the things they have in common is the ability to make their teammates better. I know that your middle school friends felt and appreciated how you brought them along with you through your leadership.

For this I am proud and always will be.

For now and always, I Love You Infinity,

Mom

 

Your 14 Came Out

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Dear Son,

Today you’re 14 came out.

You know how even though you know something’s coming, you’re still not prepared? That’s what happened to me today.  It was so sudden, just like lightning. BAM! There it was. Your 14 came out.  Right there at the dining room table for the whole family to see. Today right in the middle of a conversation, you turned into a teenager. Before I knew what was happening, you did it.  And you did it right before my very eyes! I could see it coming but I was powerless to stop it.

My siblings warned me about the teenage years but I like obnoxious parent I insisted it would never happen to me. Until now my arrogant response has always been, “He’s such a good kid” or “We never have that problem with him.” However, today, while I was minding my own business and trying to have a regular conversation, you turned into a teenager.

I, the unknowing adult, thought I had asked a very simple question. You, the all-knowing teenager, treated me as if I had just asked you to sever your own head. I understand that teenagers have their own language and assume that everybody speaks the same dialect but what I don’t understand is how I’m supposed to keep up.

In this digital age when you kids are watching TV, playing on your iPad, computer and video games all at the same time, you forget that conversations don’t follow that same pattern. This ADD generation can’t stay on topic long enough to finish a conversation. While you’ve moved on to your next thought I’m still trying to figure out if you answered the question. By the way, yelling and screaming at me won’t help and the attitude and eye roll really only make things worse.

I don’t remember doing this to my parents but I’m sure I did and therefore I’m sure I’m getting everything I deserve.

For now and always, I Love You Infinity,

Mom

Fundraising

Basketball Heart

Dear Son,

So I am not sure what alien life form took over my body last night but it must’ve been a mighty powerful one because before your father could stop me I not only volunteered to help fundraise, which I absolutely hate, but agreed to spearhead the effort.   What was I thinking?  A few of the other mothers have graciously agreed to help but we all know what happens 3 weeks from now when families get busy and schedules get tight, the chairperson, president, head dunce, whatever title you want to give them, ends up doing all the work.  Believe me, I know.  I’ve been the person on the other side, all gung ho about bringing great ideas and energy to the table the night it gets brought up but by the time things start to get moving…I could care less.

Fundraising is one of those necessary evils. Everybody hates to do it but because of school budget cuts it must be done. I don’t know about anybody else but I wish they would just ask us for the money up front and then leave us the hell alone. If you know that your program is short $200 per person just ask us for the money.  Don’t make us beg our friends and family to buy crap they don’t need or want. I mean seriously, how many bars of chocolate and rolls of wrapping paper does one person need?

Maybe deep down and I mean really, REALLY deep, I was hoping to score you some brownie points with the coach.  Assuming you’re going to be playing for him in a year or two, it can’t hurt to have him a fan of your parents.  Maybe if I do a superior job, you’ll end up playing varsity this year!

I know-let’s not get crazy.  I don’t really expect that to happen, not that I don’t think you’re good enough, but you’re not quite the same size as the other varsity boys.  You’ll get another growth spurt soon so you’ll be ready for varsity next year but for now, I’m happy to watch you play anytime, anywhere.

So in conclusion, let me just put this out into the ether…Maybe if we had fewer people that had to write, revise, allocateand approve budgets, schools or otherwise, there might actually be some money left to go IN the budgets.

For now and always, I Love You,

Mom